Dating Your Husband
I have four kids, and I’m sure you know how busy my home is on a daily basis. It isn’t any easier with “just” one or two. (I’ve been there too!) I know that making time to keep my marriage strong is important, but it speaks volumes when I actually invest in my marriage. When I budget funds for babysitting and date night expenses, when I allot the time and put a date on the calendar, and when I work to find babysitters who love to play with my kids (and my kids can’t wait to hang out with!), it demonstrates to my husband and family that I believe my marriage is alive and valuable. That my marriage is important to me.
None of these are easy. I have found work-arounds with all of them over the years thankfully.
For budgeting, I found younger (but responsible) people to babysit who required less money per hour. A 14 or 15-year old often can’t work at a paid job, doesn’t have a car, but they have plenty of things they need and want. They are motivated and SUPER great to play with my kids if I’m willing to give them a ride. I also found grandparents who wanted to spend time with their grandkids (but don’t abuse this!), and friends who wanted to trade babysitting and take turns for nights out (pure gold). When my husband would make more money, we would rebudget to allow more frequent date nights. We have always managed once a month, but frequently we can make it happen twice a month . . dreamy! : ) We’ve also chosen less expensive activities when necessary. An afternoon biking costs us almost nothing, but the energy is amazing! So returns aren’t always based on the cost. : ) Oh yeah . . when our kids are in school and we’re free-that’s the best! Free babysitting. We used to try to go to lunch or a movie on Friday afternoons, especially when we had one in preschool. We were already paying then!
Allotting time can be harder when parents and kids are in sports, clubs, and organizations. There are practices, games, meetings..and they can rob your time. Remember that your marriage holds your family together, and it is an important, living thing. Plan a lunch or afternoon date (can you take a half day to go bowling? go to lunch? see the latest art exhibit?). Plan date nights a month or more in advance if necessary. A date is an important prior obligation. If you have concert tickets to see your husband’s favorite band . . don’t skip it for any game or event. Relationship. Goals.
Find some great babysitters. Keep looking until you find them. Our first babysitter was in sixth grade, no joke. She was a friend’s daughter, I drove her, formed a wonderful relationship with her, and I still adore her! She’s all grown up with a child of her own now! When she first came over, I paid her to watch the kids while I was home. I was either baking, cleaning, or working. When I knew she would play with them, change a diaper, and not be stressed, I graduated to letting her stay with them alone. By high school she had friends, a real job, and she was less enthused playing with kids. I found another amazing babysitter when my daughter was finishing Kindergarten. She had a Kinder buddy in fifth grade at her school. They read together once a week, and the sweet girl really took to my daughter. I got her phone number near the end of year, met her momma (she was a teacher!), and I’d found the most kind, playful babysitter! She was with us until she went away to college. She’s graduated now, and I’m so proud to have had my kids spend time with her. I have another wonderful babysitter right now! My son is THRILLED when I tell him she’s coming! (and this, friend, is where it’s at) It makes it so much easier to go when your child is too busy to say bye. If you haven’t found a great person, keep looking. Neighbors or neighborhood kids, church friends’ kids, older siblings’ friends (my college-age daughter’s friend loves to babysit the boys more than my daughter does..for the same money!). Some like kids . . and some don’t love it (or don’t want to spend more time with their siblings, ha!).
When you find that magical young person that will make a tent, build lego creations, jump on the trampoline, and can make mac and cheese, pay them. I bumped up what we were paying because that person was GOLD to me, and I wanted her to know it. I’m also 95% more likely to get a yes when I request her to babysit. Win-win.
Go schedule a date. Just go to lunch! take a half day! book a babysitter! or take the time after the kids are in bed to lay on a blanket out back and look at the stars and hold hands (add a bonus: dessert, bottle of wine or hot chocolate!). They all count. They all show that person you are committed and you care. And they are a priority.
Date your most significant other. If you aren’t in love with them right now . . maybe you need a date even more! : )
love, mom
