Letting my College Kids…Go.

It’s not easy to move your children out of your family home, the only home they’ve ever known. Well, they were getting a little snarky near the end, but it was still another truly difficult thing to do as a mom. I didn’t know if I’d prepared them well enough to live on their own. Did they know how often to wash their sheets or take out the trash? Could they manage their money and keep up good study habits?

I tried to make sure I’d covered all the bases, I really did. They had jobs, their own checking accounts, knew how to do laundry (and separate colors!), and to spend time with friends at least as much as their current significant other. But would they pursue a prayer life? Brush their teeth twice a day? Floss? Call home to let me know they were eating and surviving?

I will only know if I was successful after time passes. I moved my oldest son into a dorm two years ago. He thrived, figured out college, mostly on his own. He’s a first born . . and didn’t really want our help! He had low blood sugars (he has type 1 diabetes!), didn’t dust or clean ever, found friends, and ended up with a 4.0 grade point. I really can’t take credit-he’s smart, and he did it on his own. He moved again last year to a duplex, and he made it. Last night, we moved him to an apartment (yes . . he makes all his own decisions, haha!), and he still didn’t clean for a year. I scrubbed counters and toilets and wiped baseboards. But, do you know what happened? His friends showed up. One young man scrubbed a toilet he didn’t use. Another mopped the floor he didn’t dirty. Another mom’s son helped us move furniture he didn’t use. It was a miracle and a blessing. My son had friends who served. He’d made the right friends. I loved that he was honest with me about not dusting for a year, and I loved that he had friends who weren’t too cool to clean with him. Those boys’ moms had done something right. Maybe I did something right too?

I moved my daughter into a sorority house last week. It was both easier . . and harder than moving my son. I knew she’d manage her time well, wash her sheets, and even dust. I knew she’d have built in friends. I was more nervous about her safety at night or when she had to go out to her car to be at work by 6am (she has to work to help pay for all of this excitement!). So far, so good. I’ve had days with no contact from her, and I’m alive. I’m not crying (today, ha!). I’m happy for her. We’ve worked to help her become independent, and this is her chance to practice life on her own. Granted, this is like training wheels, but another step toward independence. She has air conditioning, meals, and a washer and dryer down the hall. She’s navigating her first time with a roommate, bathroom sharing, and class scheduling. She’s a sophomore, so it’s not all new, but this is her first time on campus after a year in virtual classes.

We knew we wouldn’t have them forever, and it was time to let them go. My selfish desire to keep them close to me would thwart their growth, so I’m working on my growth right now too. I’m learning to navigate this new emptier house thing. I’m learning that texting a funny picture of our sweet dog gets a faster response than questions about classes or meeting for dinner. Dropping off a big box of cookies to share is appreciated, and sometimes just giving them space is a sign of respect. I also got a precious, highly valued, gigantic, very long hug after cleaning a duplex I didn’t step into for a year. More precious than rubies.

Here’s hoping we are all healthy and growth-minded as we let them go.

love, mom