Rush Reminder: Listen and Be Patient
My sweet girl is currently working through Rush (recruiting new girls, called PNMs, or potential new members, into her sorority). It’s hard, exhausting, exciting work. I’m finding it hard to help her, and I’m a helper.
She moved in a couple weeks ago, and they worked long, hard days all last week (8-7:30 daily) to prepare, learn, and practice. There are rules for each position (not crossing a threshold, how you kneel in front of the PNMs, no phones, passing the young ladies to the next member, etc.). I had no idea since I didn’t join a sorority in college. Sororities always seemed exciting and intriguing, but I honestly knew they were expensive . . and that it just wasn’t something I’d be doing. I’m happy that my daughter has found a home, sisters she loves (since she didn’t have any here at home!), and that she’s worked hard to help pay for it and make these girls a priority.
We’ve texted back and forth minimally. She’s literally busy in parties each day. And each successive day the parties are longer and more intense. They began with 2000 girls last weekend. They all met virtually with PNMs for about 5-10 minutes apiece. Between each party, they score the PNMs. Some she absolutely loved, gave them the highest marks..and even requested to be their big sisters if they made it to Bid Day this Saturday! She was glowing and excited after that round. Sunday night came, and her house had to cut about 500 girls. It was tough. Then there were 1500 to meet with again in the next round. The parties have bumped up to 40 minutes each now, but the scoring in between is almost 30 minutes..so she hasn’t had bathroom or eating breaks. It’s physically and mentally exhausting. The past few days she’s worked from 5:45am to 8:30pm.
She finally put out the call yesterday that I could come get her laundry! I was really excited to both see her and to hug her neck, and I seriously love to help my kiddos (and feel needed?)! I was thrilled to meet her last night about 8:45pm. I got her laundry, took our pup, Gatsby, to see her, and ran to get her some food before she went home to go to bed. I needed to wash the dark clothes last night (since I had to hang all those LuluLemon things to dry, ha!). I did the light clothes this morning, and bundled them up to go back. I was so proud of myself. So proud, I’ll add a picture of my bundle.
About 45 minutes before we were scheduled to meet, she requested Starbucks. She said she’d order and pay if I could get it. Of course I could (I was actually planning to go by there as a surprise, but I didn’t tell her since texts are few and far between)! She also got me coffees so many times last year when I was teaching and she was home learning virtually her freshman year! Long story short, the coffee took a few minutes too long, and I was a few minutes late.
She was super stressed since she had to be back upstairs in a meeting ready for the next party in four minutes. There is no tolerance for lateness, and she was worried she would get yelled at or in trouble. I asked her to just go near her bedroom window to unlock her car door, and I’d set the laundry inside . . and the iced macchiato would just go home and melt. I didn’t really care, I didn’t want to stress her more. She huffed and said she’d just come down even though she couldn’t drink it. (She couldn’t go back to her room to get it till 8:30pm when the parties were over). (She couldn’t keep it with her either.). (Yes, this is crazy..when do they eat and drink and bathroom??)
(I guess I opted for the longer version of the story. .) She came down, took the stuff, said a brief thank you, and went back inside. Somehow, she’d transferred her stress to me. I had tried hard to help her, but it seemed I’d only added to her grief and exhaustion. I left, cried, and prayed that her day got better. Shortly after, she texted a thank you and an apology if she seemed in a bad mood. I just told her I loved her and hoped her day got better.
I tell you all of this because Rush is hard. It’s hard on the young ladies looking for their sisters and new home, it’s mentally and physically exhausting work for the members who feel pressure to get it right, and the moms on both sides feel all of it plus helplessness. We want to absorb some of the stress, exhaustion, anxiety, frustration, and make it all better. Sometimes we just can’t. We have to allow them to go through this time of growth. It’s often alone.
Our girls really do come out the other side stronger. They know that they handled things they thought would break them..but they don’t break. They survive and thrive. The tears on Bid Day Saturday as new girls open their bids from their new sorority houses..and find their homes and big sisters (and twins and aunts..there is a whole familial network!) are really not surprising. They are tears of joy and tears of relief. It is over, it is good, it was worth it.
I’ve learned the hard way (after being on the PNM side last year and the member side this year), that the only thing I can do is listen and be patient. Read the texts though they come few and far between, respond gently, encourage, and be available if there are two minutes to talk before they fall asleep. My girl doesn’t mean to be short with me, she’s stressed. She doesn’t mean to leave texts unread and unanswered . . she has a group chat with 150 other girls going nonstop. She’s also not sleeping, not eating, and trying to make level-headed decisions on nothing but fumes. I can only be understanding. I will get to talk to her a little on Saturday before she takes her littles out that evening. I’ll talk to her on Monday after her first day of school. It settles, it calms down, and life will return to normal. But for now, I’m just offering patience.
Hugs, momma friends!
love, mom
